I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
