What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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