I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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