i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think a kid would responsible me up
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
