Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
