just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
