i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
