I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
