you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
