My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
