My hand turned me down
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
