Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
