I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
