the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
