I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
