So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
