Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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