rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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