is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
