I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
