and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
