sarcasm needs its own font
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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