Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
