I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
