DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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