Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
