im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
