Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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