M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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