What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
