I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
