Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
