Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize
