If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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