yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
