Moan for me like Helen Keller
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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