..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
