You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
