he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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