my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
