Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
