just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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