Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
