So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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