You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
