There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize