I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
