I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
True strength comes from lack of pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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