Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We need to rekindle our bromance
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
