My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
