and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
