i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My bed smells like the plague
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
