So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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