After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
