yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
