I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
