Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
