What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
