Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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