the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
