im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
