she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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