PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
