I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
