she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
