Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
